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Kiefer Sutherland charged with assault

I think CNN means, 'Jack Bower protects America from terrorist takeover.'

My hero sings with Alice Ridley...

between the L and Q lines in the Union Square subway station

From Chrisla

Your thoughts on wind energy are flawed. There is no free lunch, it takes energy to create that "wind" in the first place. The amount you get back out will be the same minus losses from friction.

Her response to my green car submission.
http://www.instructables.com/id/Energy-3/

I'm pumped people are reading and watching the video! No free lunch for me.

WHO raises pandemic alert to second-highest level

Every time I read these headlines I can't help but hoot one long note like an owl before continuing.

Coachella 09'

Tiny zebra print shorts, the smell of pot and sunblock, glow sticks, 100 degree temps, family and friends, naked wizards, and panther tattoos makes for a good weekend.

I just had one very rock solid week!
Thank you Kiniry's, Caleb, Wilder, Kristina, and my disappearing athletes foot.

This is not the devil

Philip Rosenthal is for bringing us 'Everybody Loves Raymond.'

Where Are The Bees?

No Seriously, where the fuck are the bees?


European honeybees are the main pollinators of crops, nuts, flowers, vegetables and fruits. Basically a ton of crops we depend on. 30% to be exact.

They are disappearing. Google search for yourself.

I too have love for LA! Except for the whole car thing

I'll be back in a week!


Thanks Caitlin for sharing this video. What Randy Newman blindfold have I been wearing?!

I am Kevin

I am a tennis player living in New York City. I will be at the west side Hudson tennis courts every Tuesday at midday. When the sun is highest in the sky.

The courts are free. Serious tennis athletes only.

Why do we trust the person next to us at coffee shops?

I always see people do this:

"Hey, can you watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom?"

I just trusted my laptop, backpack with ipod and wallet inside to a complete stranger.

I know it's strange, but I kinda wanted all my shit to be gone when I returned. I imagined my ex-coffee shop neighbor jogging down the street smiling wide and screaming, 'you got em again Cath, you got em again!'

I had an audition today and was told to dress as a sporty soccer player. I wore these shorts....












And proudly walked them 15 blocks up 6th ave to the audition. Unfortunately the commercial copy was actually about 5 jocks playing football.

I'm in love with an astrophysicist

I want to snog Neil DeGrasse Tyson and I'm not talking about movie theater snogging either. I'm talking full on back seat chevy camero snogging. The kind that makes your lips hurt and your body forget.

Another gem from the man

I can relate

Rihanna update

I DON'T think she's pregnant. I'm convinced these r all just super lame rumors. She looked like soooooooo slim on that beach! Right?! Am I crazy? Uh. I guess I'll just have to wait a few more months...super lame..

Animal Collective will leave you thirsty

This song is amazing! I find myself desperately craving the little 'dtadtda' bongo moments. I keep holding my breath hoping they'll give me more. And they do... EVERY SINGLE TIME. Yaaaaay! More 'dtadatad' Wait for it...(about every 4 seconds).

I might implode

if I don't quickly find the switch to this cerebrum brick.

W.W.M.O.D?

What would Michelle Obama do? That's my new slogan when I find my self unfocused, irresponsible, less regal, lacking poise, and wearing sweat pants. I need to make a colorful bracelet.

I am a terrible person, I thoroughly enjoyed this video

Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School Shootings

Today I was genuinely happy for Al Roker. After 12 years of failed attempts, he finally got a word out of the incoming president along the parade route. Wearing a fedora and propping himself up on a security fence, he shouted at Barack like a junior higher. A junior higher who's just heard from principal Armstrong that students will now be allowed to have night time dances. Roker's ear-to-ear grin was infectious. Obama's words, "It's warm out here." God I love our new president! He made the little boy in Al and me... well, excited to move to the center of the dance floor again. The slow songs have ended. It's time to celebrate again!

Real Chance of Love

From what I've been able to follow, this show is a 3rd generation spin-off from "Flavor Of Love" and part of VH1's very successful "Of Love" franchise. What will they come up with next?! Last night I watched Chance's brother Real choose CornFed as his true love.

Thunder In Paradise: Full Act 1

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

I wear the same outfit many times over cause I don't want the heap on the ground to grow in to an unmanageable cotton mountain. I'm currently on supplemental oxygen awaiting rescue from camp 4.

From Time article

Obamania. If you can't get to D.C. this month to celebrate the incoming Administration, immerse yourself in all things Obama in his hometown. The Hard Rock Hotel Chicago is offering a "Barack and Roll" package, which includes a suite outfitted with red, white and blue bed linens, upon which you'll be served breakfast in bed; then you'll be ferried away in a complimentary limo to an appointment at Hyde Park Hair Salon, where President-elect Obama gets his hair cut. Next up, an appointment for a suit-fitting and personal-shopping experience at Hart Schaffner Marx, the clothier that made Obama's Inauguration suit. Ladies get "First Lady" treatment in the Hard Rock Hotel's salon.

In the evening, dress up for cocktails, provided by the hotel's Base Bar, then have a tasting dinner for two at Topolobampo, one of Obama's favorite Chicago eateries. If you stay the night of the Inauguration, Jan. 20, you'll get tickets to a Bulls home game. If that's not enough Obama, you can end your evening by watching some of the future President's favorite films (like Lawrence of Arabia and Casablanca) in your suite, and take home a gift box of some of his favorite books, including Moby Dick, and music, with CDs of Miles Davis, Bob Dylan and the Fugees. You'll also get a copy of Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father. The packages costs $2,009 for two nights. Book any time until March 31 for stays through Dec. 31. 230 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago; 312-345-1000

Would you continue to love?

What if after 10 years of marriage you rolled over in bed to find this as your new reality?

The fate of our future is nestled in my arms

I couldn't stop staring at the black baby in seat 14D during my red-eye Delta flight from San Francisco to NYC. At first I was extremely annoyed when, after assuming that I had two vacant seats in which to soil with computer accessories, a woman crouched in back first with a heap in her arms. My anger quickly shifted to that of humility as she turned around revealing the most beautiful baby I've ever seen! I wondered if this is how the Pharaohs daughter felt when she first approached Moses in the basket made of bulrushes. I wanted to take gods gift to humanity in my arms and protect him from the all the ugly this world would surely recklessly impose on him.

The angel baby must have been no more than one. He was wrapped in a decently crafted homemade blanket draped around his mothers caring shoulders. I'd had plans to read, watch Battlestar Galactica, and listen to more Neil Young. Whom I'm becoming more and more obsessed with after being ear blessed in San Clemente. His lyrics and music are incredibly thoughtfully crafted. How did I last this long on the outside of this amazing rock circle? "The king is gone but not forgotten."

Instead I kept peering over hoping the mom wouldn't catch me. I finally got my chance at about thirty thousand feet when both caretaker and babe nestled in, dropped eyelids, and rested for some sort of spiritual Buddha journey. NOW don't think I'm a creep who stared the entire time. Instead I'm a creep who thinks about elaborate baby scenarios. Like, what if Oprah has a child? Would that child be an even more amazing human being? OR Would her spawn be unable to burst the top of perfection and inevitably be an enormous deflated disappointment? I also thought long and hard about the most beautiful babies I've seen in my life. Most of them have been black. Its true. Okay you corned me. I'm a baby racist. Fire me from my waiter job and make me take assimilation classes. Mialtto babies are also breathtaking and could be the answer to our issues of hate. BUT that's for the Battlestar Galactica writers to work out.


OH. And I imagined the baby as our species chosen one. I was its sole sworn protector. The baby must reach adulthood. It was professed that he who bares the mark of unimaginable beauty and rides Delta flight 591 would solve the love and compassion issues clouding our world today. I fought off raiders and robotic dragons only to die tragically from falling off a cliff while fending off 10,000 troops on the burning bridge of no return. My legacy and cloak dying with me.

I got my ass handed to me on a black and red wooden paddle. Okay...Its no secret I'm a bit competitive and cocky about certain athletic endeavors. Yesterday I lost hard in ping pong. Ha PING PONG. Is that even an athletic endeavor? Alright. I'll accept my loss. My best friends moms sister took me down in an old fashion Long Beach garage ping pong challenge. I think I scored a measly 12 points in a game to 21. :(

The sun was in my eyes.

My uncle Mike is learning how to use the computer for the first time. It's very adorable. He keeps pulling me in to his room to teach him how to use google search for images. Latest image search, eagles. His vocabulary word for the day is ICON. Which he's been using over and over again. He and my sister are talking back and forth from the living room to his room on skype.

On another note. I got a casio calculator watch! The watch can control TV's and DVD players! I also received two holiday zits this year.

I'm drunk at home! My sister is studying for USMLE board exam. Sounds like a mouthful? It is. She's had her books open since I got home. Lame. I'm here to have fun and party, doesn't she get that? Apparently she does, cause she just now opened her 3rd IPA. GO sis! Haha. We are both obnoxious and annoying right now. Anyone who knows me personally would probably hate the state that I'm in. Christmas is around the corner, and for some reason I feel like getting plastered. IN front of my mom and uncle Probably not wise, but who has hindsight when 7% alcohol per bottle is being swished down their stomach?

Excuse my grammar. It's normally not good, but when I'm drinking it's really badddd. Let me just quickly describe my hometown to all those besides Chris KELLY who don't know this area. It's desolate and void of personality, but so freaking close to amazing locals like, Pismo beach and Santa Barbara. The most exciting thing about this place is the new round about drive zones that were created near Walmart to help solve traffic related issues. Santa Maria's only saving grace is its 10 min away ocean and mountain borders. The views around here are breathtaking. Especially when snow hats fall on awaiting mountain heads. Another saving grace of this place are the truly amazing family friends like the Kiniry's and VanGalios. I love them immensely. Without them and my family I would never return.

I am losing track of what I'm doing. I have no idea what the purpose of this post is. AND I don't feel like re-checking.

Have a good Christmas everyone!

P.s. Spent the day in Monterey yesterday. Amazing place! Cypress trees amongst million dollar views. If/when I die, that's where I want my soul to rest. Seriously beautiful.

I Went To Coney Island Today!

Coney Island reminds me of my dead grandfather. Both were once attractive and amazing. Like Coney Island my grandfather didn't take care of himself. He ignored doctors request to closely monitor his diabetic condition. Instead he continued to eat poorly, trashing his insides, unaware that he was slowly killing himself. Today Coney Island was dead. Its body once the palace of fun now just a garbage pit of buried memories. I imagined the boardwalk in its hay day. Full of youthful smiling faces having the time of their lives. It must have been amazing. Like my grandfather, I never knew Coney Island. All I have are black and white photos to remind me of its eccentric past.

Note: It was a Monday at 10am in December.

Ho Ho

It's seven a.m. on my day off and I'm about to go work in Times Square.
Sometimes I think I'm a sucker. A big 6'2, plaid wearing lemon flavored sucker. Actually I just can't say no to a new adventure, no matter how early that adventure gets me up. Today I'll be working at ABC putting together Christmas trees with a PR firm. I hope my built trees will go to deserving families in poor neighborhoods who can't afford a good Christmas. BUT I'm most likely building a beautiful experience for patrons visiting the ABC lobby.

chop chop

My new haircut makes me look like a disappointed lesbian. :(

This may seem pretentious, but it's really not

The turbine Continental Airline engines haven't even begun to spit jet fuel and combust on my trip to Ecuador and I'm already planning a trip to China. I'm so unbelievably excited about traveling and helping with environmental causes around the world. I have been wanting to do this for quite a while now, and it's all starting to fall in to place! I've created a list of destinations with projects I'd like to visit/accomplish and an environmental pie chart outlining my environmental focus.

The list:
1. Quito, Ecuador (Biomimicry, ZERI)
2. Beijing, China (Air pollution)
3. Africa (Kinetic energy projects for small communities)
4. Brazil (Work on re-forestation)
5. Costa Rica (Biomimicry, and specie habbitats)
6 India (Air pollution (specifically dealing with re-designing transportation)(not get taken hostage. Too soon?)

The pie chart:

*Imagine a pie with 3 slices
Slice 1. Helping people/cultures/communities sustain themselves
Slice 2. Protecting animals/plants/species in general
Slice 3. Protecting natural habitats, plants, reforestation

My first destination is Ecuador, where I'll be working with ZERI (Zero Emissions Research and Initiatives). The focus will be on building a recycling center keeping biomimicry in mind, and on rain forest preservation. The experience begins on Feb 3rd and ends on Feb 14th! So if you're wishing for a Valentines date with me, you'll have to buy a return ticket to NY from Quito. OR you can catch my connecting flight in Houston. Either way, if you care, you'll make it happen. I get lonely and desperate on long flights.

When was it considered uncool or bestiality for a bi-pedal hominid to have sex with his old colleague the ape? Was it one of those instances where one night a bunch of bi-pedal buddies left the savanna fire circle drunk on bison blood and wandered in to the forest to check out a chimpanzee only club? One hominid left the club early with a chimp and got caught exposed on the top of a Baobab tree. Oh what a shameful night that must have been.

America's Getting A New Puppy!

Think about this. Barack Obama sitting on that comfortable captains chair in the oval office. Imagine his family taking up residence in America's most historic building. How about them flying in on the presidents helicopter? OR Obama receiving top secret briefings. I have been imagining all of these moments all morning and have been enjoying every second.

This is a quick paragraph about the White House which I find very remarkable.
Our country has come such a long way.

When George Washington was president (1789-1797) he lived in New York and Philadelphia. He brought cooks, maids and coachmen from Mount Vernon — all of them slaves — to work at his house alongside white servants. The presidents in the early days were expected to hire and pay for their own staff. Since many of the early presidents were southern planters, they brought their slaves to work for them in Washington, D.C. Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809) brought slaves from Monticello, and during his presidency the second child ever born in the President’s House was born to his slaves, Fanny and Eddy. Paul Jennings was the personal servant of President James Madison (1809-1817). He was a slave who wrote down his memories of living in the Madison White House. You can read them by clicking here. Tennesseans Andrew Jackson (1829-1837) and James K. Polk (1845-1849) also brought slaves from their farms, and almost always they lived in basement rooms. Enslaved craftsmen helped build the White House. Black servants helped save documents and art when the British burned the structure in 1814. Most of all, African Americans made the president’s household operate efficiently. But it was a man who never held others as property, Abraham Lincoln, who would make sure that slaves would never work in the White House again.


I want to attend his inauguration. I'm not entirely sure what the process is for attendence. OR if there is even a process. Do I just show up? I'd like to book a hotel the night before and spend all day soaking up the event.

Rock The Vote!

I just voted about an hour ago! I have never been more excited to be an American registered voter. GOD this feels good! The energy on this island is so strong. I want to hug every fat, skinny, young, old, tired, aunry, and hurried citizen that I pass. Would it be too much to ask strangers to grab each others waists and start a congo line through the streets of Greenwich Village? All while singing and wiggling index fingers to, "rock the vote. Say it a little louder. I said, rock the vote." History could be made tonight folks. Tonight. This is crazy! I will be glued to the TV from 7pm onward. I feel like the US has received a do-over. Our country has a chance to move forward. A real chance to change our global perception.

"Men make history, and not the other way around. In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still. Progress occurs when courageous, skillful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better." - Harry S. Truman

Been Thinking About You

I can't stop listening to this song. Thanks to Steve I now have half a months worth of non-stop music and yet I keep coming back.
The video's a bit much.

My top and bottom retainers aren't sliding in to position as easily as they used to. I'm treating this a good sign. A moment of victory. Like moving up in a bra size or picking a suburban cause the 5 unit family won't fit in the civic anymore. Snaggletooth owns the night once again!

I'm currently listening to this song and completely digging it!

Your Mouth Will Thank You!

Kashi TLC crackers. Find something tastier? I dare you. I triple snoop dare you. Many have tried before and have come an aisle short. You can't, these things are delicious! The gods have combined their non-human powers and have created "Tasty Little Crackers." Thank you gods. I adore thee. I shall worship and follow thee for the rest of my days. Please keep the price at 3.99 a box and promise 7 whole grains of goodness.

1987

My father used to create the best Christmas a boy who loved red micro machines and remote controlled flying airplanes could ever dream up. Every year he would orchestrate a new theme or detail that would completely improve on the impossibly perfect last. One particular fond memory was the year I received Big Foot. Before the power wheels reveal there was just a small note wrapped in an average sized box. I don't remember what the specific note said, but it was a clue that led me to his wallpapered bathroom. The next clue sent my joyful blonde head bobbing off to the Kitchen. The final clue was a small Hot Wheel version of the actual blue Big Foot. At this point I knew what was waiting behind my fathers closed door. It was one of the best Christmas moments from my childhood. It's a memory like this one that makes me want to be a father some day. I want to help create fun long-lasting memories for my own son just like my dad has done for me.

Energy

Hey guys,

I just submitted an idea to google's 10100 contest. Project 10100 (pronounced "Project 10 to the 100th") is a call for ideas to change the world by helping as many people as possible.
Check out my concept. I'm really happy with how it turned out.

Voting begins on Jan 27th.

Thank you Dore for all your editing help and Steve for allowing me to take your beautiful mac hostage for hours at a time. You can delete all those files now.


1. What one sentence best describes your idea? (maximum 150 characters)

What if three renewable energy sources could power an electric car?

2. Describe your idea in more depth. (maximum 300 words)

"Energy" is an electric car that relies on the sun, wind, and water for battery power. To be noted: It can also be plugged in. The car is painted with sensitive nano-technology-built solar panels that can absorb most of the sun’s rays. It has a collecting device under the hood that extracts water from the air and can collect rainwater as weather permits. That water is converted to steam, generating its own power for electricity and added thrust. Once the car is in motion, wind generates enough force to turn high-velocity, high-output fans creating additional power for the vehicle. All of these components come together to create electricity that is channeled down to charge bacteria-grown batteries, housed under the vehicle. "Energy" is the ultimate green vehicle that utilizes renewable non-polluting energy resources.

3.What problem or issue does your idea address? (maximum 150 words)

“Energy” will eliminate the messy carbon footprint that most vehicles make on the road today. It aspires to be a fully functioning reliable green vehicle that can take its passengers hundreds of miles in between charges while essentially relying on non-polluting renewable energy sources to power it along its course. Developing more cars like “Energy” would greatly reduce dependence on foreign and domestic oil. Severing ties with oil, and being a limited CO2-producing resource, will improve overall air quality and be a positive step towards reversing the effects of global warming.

4.If your idea were to become a reality, who would benefit the most and how? (maximum 150 words)

Citizens who live in densely populated areas with poor air quality would receive the most benefits from “Energy.” Cities such as New York, Paris, London, Los Angeles, and Houston would see vast improvements in overall air pollution rates, translating into overall human health improvements (ex: asthma rates would drop). These cities could introduce “Energy” as a taxi alternative and then transpose the technology to busses and everyday passenger vehicles. “Energy” would also improve noise pollution, which is a huge problem in cities where streets are narrow and space is limited. “Energy’s” success in the long run would hopefully encourage developing nations like China and India to adopt it as viable transportation option.

5.What are the initial steps required to get this idea off the ground? (maximum 150 words)

The first few steps involve contacting the companies who currently hold patents on the above mentioned technologies and acquire permission to move forward (i.e. nano-solar panels, high-efficiency high-output fans, moisture/rain water collecting hydro unit and bacteria grown batteries). Those companies, combined with specific educational environmental research institutions could help bring “Energy” to life. It would also be important to raise capital investments either through individual investors and/or corporate sponsors. Lastly, the car should be tested through individual eco-marathons, which would help flush out potential problems and modify the idea for improved efficiency and reliability.

6.Describe the optimal outcome should your idea be selected and successfully implemented. How would you measure it? (maximum 150 words)

This project is successful if the vehicle passes all road challenges for reliability and crash standard safety tests, and also outlasts current green vehicles on the market. “Energy” should be cheap enough to build on a mass scale. It should be financially attainable to most working class citizens. It shouldn’t be just a concept vehicle, but seen as a fully functional everyday car. Ultimately, the success of “Energy” will be shown by general public acceptance and procurement.

Our Tax Dollars At Work.

The federal government is tracking me!

For the fourth time in the past 3 years I've had my emails stopped and examined. The first time was when I described my visit to the "World Trade Center" site. The next one was something about "911." Another I talked to my army friend about his fight against "terrorists" in Iraq (cause everyone knows that's where they're hiding). This time my little email had to once again put her dress heels on, grab the cashmere shawl and head back in to the government party. All because I used the word Jew in the subject line. It's really stupid actually. It was late. I was tired. My bosses name is RJ. I thought it would be silly to say RJew, but I screwed it up and said RJ Jew instead.


MY EMAIL:
Kevin DeBacker
to rrochac
subject rj jew
mailed-by gmail.com
show details Oct 12 (1 day ago)

Hey,

it's Kevin. just wanted to remind you that i made a change in my schedule.

it's in the book but i'll give just type it down for the digital world too.

Monday: Any shift except closing
Tuesday: Can't work
Wed: I love my opening!
Thursday: Can't work
Friday: Can't work
Sat: Any shift
Sun: Any shift


Thanks swift

Keep it real

KEVIN

THE GOVERNMENT:

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification

THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO RESEND YOUR MESSAGE.

Delivery to the following recipient has been delayed:

rrochac

Message will be retried for 2 more day(s)
(Retired meaning, fine combed for the next 48 hrs. for any cryptic messages by Jeremy a lab mouse with a Harvard law degree.)

I wonder if this blog will be forced to pull over...

UCBW Owner Chuck McMahon Totally Looks like Improv Everywhere's Charlie Todd

THE MYSTERY METHOD

One of the previous tenants left his entire book collection in my room. Some of the books look interesting like, Guns, Germs, and Steel. And then there are others, How To Get Beautiful Women Into Bed. Here is an excerpt from the inside jacket.

Tips include:

Give more attention to her less attractive friend at first, so your target will get jealous and try to win your attention.

Always approach a target within 3 seconds of noticing her. If a woman senses your hesitation, her estimation of your value will begin to diminish.

Don't be picky. Approach as many groups of people in a bar as you can and entertain them with fun conversation. As you move about the room, positive perception of you will grow. Now it's easy to meet anyone you want.

Smile. Guys who don't get laid don't smile.

He also left, Rules Of The Game and The Secret

Sucks balls that he left. We probably would have had a lot in common. Well I better stop being a dick about this and get back to work. I've been playing around too long.

My Walnut Totally Looks Like A Cylon Raider!

My favorite musical

I'm not a huge fan of musicals, but this one makes me want to reconsider.

I'm drinking Yellow Tail red wine at (watch check or computer clock check) 12:21am on a Tuesday night. I have to get up for work by 6am tomorrow. The wine is surprisingly good. It's full bodied, has a smooth texture, and sits nicely in its crystal glass. I took a 3 hr nap 1 hr. ago so I'll be up for a while. I was kinda hoping that the wine would bring the eyelids down a little. It's not working yet.

During my 3 hr. nap I had a very vivid dream about writing a fantasy novel series. Each book consisted of 800 pgs. of the best writing since Tolkien. 10 series later and I was coined "best new writer of this century." Unfortunately the dream revealed nothing about the books content, only blank pages. I wonder if that's how J.K. got started. She came home after a long day of selfish activities took an unnecessary cat nap and discovered a new book series delivered upon a dream cloud. Except her dream cloud actually came with content!

I'm forcing myself to fall asleep now.

I'm besties with Michelle Obama

This is the exact email that I received 2 minutes ago from Michelle. We'll probably meet at Cafeteria for dinner.


Kevin --

This Friday, we'll reach another milestone in this campaign -- the first debate of the general election, on September 26th at 9:00 p.m. Eastern time.

Millions of Americans will tune in to watch Barack debate John McCain about America's foreign policy and our role in the world.

Barack will share his plan to bring the change we need -- to restore our place in the world, ensure security at home and abroad, and reestablish the United States as the world's economic leader.

This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about the issues. And it's also a great opportunity for you to share Barack's message of change with your friends, family, and neighbors by attending or hosting a Debate Watch Party.

Watch the debate with friends and supporters, and talk about how you can get involved in this movement.

I recorded a brief message about these parties. Please take a moment to watch the video and sign up to attend or host a Debate Watch Party in your community.

Host or attend a debate watch party

Many Americans are still learning about Barack and this movement for change.

They don't know about his plan to restore the middle class, cut taxes for 95 percent of American families, provide health care for every American, achieve energy independence, improve our schools, and responsibly end the war in Iraq.

Many people also don't know that John McCain has voted with George Bush more than 90 percent of the time -- including to continue Bush's failed Iraq policies, not investigating the government response to Katrina, not supporting children's health care, not supporting college benefits for returning veterans, and passing tax cuts for the rich at the expense of the middle class.

This debate is a chance for Americans to hear directly from Barack. And with just a few weeks left before Election Day, it's more important than ever that we bring people together and talk about the issues that matter in our communities.

I hope you'll watch my short message and sign up to attend or even host a Debate Watch Party:

http://my.barackobama.com/debate

Thank you for all that you're doing,

Michelle

Alex

My new hair dresser is Russian. He's married, lives in Queens, has a new baby, and recommends the best Russian titty bars in the city. One in particular only reveals the top half, but if you're good looking, go on the right night, and have enough money, you can get all the p***y you want. My new hair dresser also lets me know where I can find the best clubs and lounges in and out of the city. He told me which neighborhoods to avoid and which ones to seek. I should never go to the Bronx without the escort of someone who isn't white. If I want to get f****d up on vodka I should call him, he's got a location for that too. We might even head out to Austin St. in Forest Hills together. Hopefully we won't make the same mistake he did and go on gay night. If that happens we'll most likely lift an eyebrow in an "oh us" expression and pound it out laughing at our situation as we ride away in his new 2009 Nissan Altima. The night will end with a high five like it did as I payed my bill for the cut and took his card.

I love my new hairdresser! The cut was only $15 and the place is located right around the corner from my apartment. Besides where else am I going to go for my discounted gold chain hook up?

Bitches

I can't tell the bitch customers from the nice ones anymore. I work at a glammed up cafeteria that happens to serve organic food. It's like one of those private school cafeterias. The ones where parents spend 5,000 or more a year for their little ones to consume a healthier diet. The pizza's off the menu but the picnic style dining still seats 6.

Our work has many regulars who are loyal to the product and very entitled. About half of the regulars are very nice and the other half are god awful inbreeds. Well pure breeds cause they're filthy rich, but pure breeds with no souls. Those bad ones are getting harder and harder to discern as they walk smiling through the door. It's usually a two second look that's exchanged, both parties vaguely recognizing the other. On my end all I can think is "was she a total ass the last time I served her?" OR "Did we have a long conversation about how laid back Californians are?"

I need to figure out a better screening process because yesterday one of the evils slipped through. This particular evil wore an all white sun dress, had a pet husband, and was protected by mommy armor as she wheeled her 2 year old son in a jeep like stroller. I couldn't resist the charm and was completely disarmed. That is until she drew first coffee.

Her first strike left me stunned and pushed back against the micros machine. I felt my chest for damage but couldn't find any, so I tightened my apron and headed back to the battlefield. Pen in hand I heard her complaint of a weak latte. Three coffees later and we had reached a stalemate. The demilitarized zone was drawn from chairs 301 to 308. I rested in the stairwell and drew up papers for peace while she likely starved her family focusing all energy on building up ammo reserves. When it was my turn to communicate it was at the safe zone near tables 310 and 311. I dropped off the check and marched back into the ranks of three staring baristas. The air was tense but everything appeared to be fine. She got up and re-arranged diapers on her baby jeep. A retreat at this point was imminent. Oh what a naive thought. It must be my lack of military experience and willingness to use negotiation rather than force that makes me vulnerable to attack.

Boom! She struck again this time almost knocking me over with her baby bottle weighed down vehicle. Her husband had ordered a tea with an extra tea bag and like a trained officer I had rung in the extra bag. This time my head hurt and I was sure it was all over. I'd probably soon fall to the ground in a heap of my own humiliation and shame. "This is no way to die! There is so much I haven't done!" Luckily I remembered my military training and called for the general. General manager Jeanine answered. How could I have been so stupid to focus on bipartisan talks alone? I needed to triangulate the discussions all along! The General was my Fat Man because the white sun dress, pet husband, and baby all swung around retreating for the door with nothing but the words "you Americans and your greed" clouding up behind them. Followed by, "that's what's wrong with this country. When a person gets charged for a second tea, that's when you know things are going down hill. This would never happen in Europe!"

As for me...I received the purple heart for bravery that day, and am now serving out the rest of my service in a much more tightly defended dining section.

One size fits all

New Yorkers ride up escalators one leg at a time.